You might wonder why it’s called “Married.” instead of, say, “Engaged.” Or why the tagline babbles about the Hulk.

Well, there’s this episode of The Incredible Hulk, see. Called “Married.” You can actually watch it (legally AND for free) online:
The Incredible Hulk: Married – Part 1
The Incredible Hulk: Married – Part 2

And they say “married” about a million times throughout the episode. It’s not even the fact that he gets married that gives it its name, but the constant insistence on saying “Married.” “Married!” “….MARRIED.”

I guess you can blame Dana and Betsy for this, because I think that they are the ones who brought up watching The Hulk first, and told us we could get episodes from Netflix. We weren’t dating at the time. Supposedly. We thought. Everyone ELSE was pretty clear that we were dating, mind you – hence the fact that Annie was at some holiday function at my mom’s house, there to be influenced by Dana and Betsy’s hilarious ways. [I was like, Angie's so friendly! She's always inviting me to "family" events! What a nice lady! (Which she is, of course.) -Annie]

So Annie would come over and watch things like the Hulk at my house. And we’d lie there on the sofa, basically [read: literally] on top of each other, watching the Hulk get married, doing essentially everything but make out. But oh nooo, WE weren’t dating. Why did everyone think that?!? Oh, and then she’d sleep over. In the same bed. Because she didn’t want to drive all the way home [ten minutes away!] in the cold dark night. But we weren’t DATING….

And then “married” became a running gag with us. They usually echoed it in the episode when it came up, so anytime one of us said “married” for any reason, the other one had to echo, “Married,” in the portentous tones of 1970s TV dramas.

Plus, did I mention that we kept talking about getting married? [Married.] And buying a house together? And having kids? But WE weren’t DATING….

And we’d each dream that the other person was dating and how mad we were about it and discuss how terrible that would be. BUT WE WEREN’T DATING.

It was pretty hilarious for a while. But then it just started getting crazy. I think what pushed me over the edge was when we went to look at a house around the corner for me that was for sale. And Annie was talking about it like “that one can be YOUR room!” As if we might actually buy it. And it was just too crazy – why were we talking like this? How could we go around acting like we were going to marry/live/raise kids together when obviously this could never happen?

I think by this time I had realized that in fact I would very much like to actually be dating her (again – but in stark contrast to the insane way that we dated before either of us was in recovery) which was the real problem. It was terrible, to be around someone I liked who first insisted (along with me) that she didn’t want to be dating, and then who thought she was ready and started going on dates with random guys! [r/guys/guy]

But at the same time, there was a very clear subtext in all our conversations that we were basically together, and wanted to be together. So on New Year’s Eve (2006->2007) we were hanging out and I made the leap. I brought up the fact that ALLLLL these people always thought we were dating, and posed her the question: did she think that maybe they were right? [At which point, a Usual-Suspects-style montage of our relationship started playing in my head and I dropped my teacup and saw the word "Kobayashi" on the bottom!]

And we talked over it and around it for several hours while Live 105 played us a New Year’s show of mashups (which, as a category, are all “our song!” now) (I think you should know that I just lifted my hands from the keyboard to make airquotes) and then I was finally like “So wait. What do you want to DO about it?”

And we agreed to try dating on purpose. And we walked down her street to watch the fireworks that the Hell’s Angels were setting off. (Although I didn’t get that we agreed that until after the fireworks, so I was in agony waiting!) [Yeah, I guess I could've been more explicit, but I totally assumed we were both feeling relieved and having fun watching illegal fireworks!]

So now you know. Way better than zombie werewolves, right? [Maybe we should post a poll?]